Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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