"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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