.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
