By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize