thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
