Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize