I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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