I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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