apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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