I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
