Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
