So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
