hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
