his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize