friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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