taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
