You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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