Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize