Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
