was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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