You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
