so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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