I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
