you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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