I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
