I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
