take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
