Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
