I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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