Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
