Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
