So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
