so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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