Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Houston, we have a squirter
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
