Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
