there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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