True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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