the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
