cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
