Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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