I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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