at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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