i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
