i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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