I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
