So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
