I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
