What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm sobbing to NWA
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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