Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
