Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
