Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
