i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
