im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
