I heard we made out
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
