you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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