How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
