to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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