Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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