9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
