someone threw a dead crab at me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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