I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
