what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Randomize
