Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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