I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
