Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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