what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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