I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
