What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize