Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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