Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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