I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize