She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
