I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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