Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
